.it’s crap.

You don’t need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you completely.

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We are inundated with millions of messages saying what ‘real’ love should look like, feel like, act like. Just open up your phone, scroll your newsfeed, browse through images, read books – the idea is everywhere – that true love should behave or be presented in a certain way. We fall victim for these words and pictures because they pull at out heartstrings. They remind us of what we deserve. They carry heaviness of what we’ve lost. They inspire us to search for better. They keep us grounded when we’re feeling lonely. They empower us to keep looking for love in it’s greatest form. But what if these messages don’t really speak the truth?

I believe love looks different for all of us. Based on our individual experiences and situations, people we entangle with and how we were brought up. Real love isn’t about finding a perfect person, or meeting ‘the one’ by a certain time, or discovering someone who totally changes himself/herself to be the person you need. I believe all of that is total crap.

What if you are actually missing out on real love by believing these ideas?

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Real love is messy. It’s hard and difficult. It’s complicated. It’s heavy. It’s not being asked to change who you are for someone. It’s not asking someone to change him/herself for you. It’s not easy, but it’s still beautiful. We read so many messages about people ‘changing’, and how ‘the one’ won’t have to change because they’re perfectly right for you, or about how that person will change for you.

But love is not asking people to change, It’s not about finding someone who has changed, will change, or is changed enough to be perfect for you. You shouldn’t be required to shift yourself on behalf of someone’s feelings, perspectives or affection towards you.

Love is not a power play, not roles and dynamics and shoes you must fill. You don’t need to become something better just to have someone’s affection, even if the other person’s intentions are pure. You can’t make someone change for your reasons – an individual changes because he or she wants to. For themselves. Not for you. And if they don’t want to, they don’t have to.

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There’s nothing worse then love that don’t work out. It’s painful and it makes us not wanting to love again. But somehow we have to grief and move on. Learn a lesson or two and continue with our life.

Relationships aren’t crafted to be perfect. In fact, I believe it’s within the imperfections where the magic truly lies. All experiences – all relationships are made up of both good and bad parts, of good and bad moments. The way we experience relationships, on the other hand, is a function of what we notice about them, moment by moment. I don’t believe anyone of us will ever find perfection, is nothing we should strive for. We are born to be real – not to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion and those who seek it will find themselves unfulfilled their whole lives.

Loving someone – really, truly loving someone – requires a certain amount of compromise and patience. It’s being able to love them at their worst and stand by them when life becomes difficult. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from previous relationships, it’s that it wont always be easy. There will be times when you want to scream and say things you probably shouldn’t and frustrating moments where you don’t want to speak to your significant other. But at the end of the day, what matters most is your devotion and loyalty to one another. Only someone who has a true understanding of love will comprehend this. After all, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t completely accept you, so why would you expect anything different from your partner?

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It often comes down to cultural differences. Morals and core values clashing together like metal hitting metal. And that’s when it probably wont work out. You can’t change someone’s morals and core values – only they can and they most likely wont. As strongly as you feel that you are right your partner feels that he/she is right too. You might as well learn this right now, don’t waste each others time if you can’t find some kind of compromise together when it comes to something as important as core values. When you’re partner asks you to change something that you feel isn’t really a big deal for you, then many times we just adjust because it’s a constant give and take in a relationship. But if your partner asks you to change something that is a part of who you are, a part of your personality then you have every right to say no. You should say no. And if your partner can’t accept that – then your partner is automatically not accepting you as a person.

It is extremely important to be clear and open with how you feel, and if you can’t work it out so you both can be happy then maybe you’re just not right for each other. Love means a lot, but love isn’t all of it. If you don’t feel accepted for who you are, then move on. Someone else will accept and love you as you are and never ask you to change.

You don’t need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you completely.

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Some people believe that when you love someone you would change anything for them. I believe when you love someone you love them as they are, and you will therefor never demand them to change.

I believe it gets problematic when we start seeing our significant other as a part of us. And when they don’t fit the picture of how our partner should be and behave we try to change them, instead of changing our own ‘perfect’ vision of how our love life should be. No one is there to fulfil your vision. You will loose so many amazing opportunities if you can’t change your perception of what true love can be.

“You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you.” – Dodinsky

You carry so much love in your heart. Give some to yourself.

.love.liebe.kärlek.heidi.

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