.it’s cheating.

Cheating is a personal decision. If you cheat on someone that is willing to do absolutely anything for you, well guess what, you actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty.

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If you can cheat on someone you claim to be in love with, you’re not in love, you’re just in love with the thought of being in love.

Cheating is complex because the definition varies so widely. However, when someone violates a partner’s expectations, the emotional outcome is the same—their partner feels betrayed and rejected. Cheating is also problematic because couples rarely discuss exactly what their expectations are. Cheating is a personal decision. Some people will never cheat no matter how bad it is, some will cheat no matter how good it is.

In any given relationship, what one person considers to be acceptable may differ from what a partner thinks is appropriate. Many problems arise in relationships because people do not see eye-to-eye on this issue. And to make matters worse, many people do not like to define what counts as cheating. Many people prefer not to define what counts as cheating because by keeping the rules vague and ambiguous, it makes it easier to cheat. If you don’t know what the rules are, you really can’t break them—or some people like to think. It’s a lot easier to deceive both oneself and a partner about cheating when the rules are not clear.

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The most amazing thing is when someone cheats on you it reflects so much more of who they are and not so much of who you are. Recognizing them cheating is a reflection of their insecurities. Don’t let that amplify your own. And if you cheat on someone that is willing to do absolutely anything for you, well guess what, you actually cheated yourself out of true loyalty. Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock. And cheating can be really subtle. Cheating doesn’t have to be kissing, meeting or getting physical with someone else. As soon as you see yourself deleting those messages to hide them from your partner, or you lie, you’ve already started. It may not be what you consider cheating yet, but it’s planting a seed. And cheaters don’t think cheating is wrong until, they get cheated on. It’s so important to understand this. People don’t cheat because they don’t respect their partners, people cheat because they don’t respect themselves.

Why do people cheat? What is wrong with people? 56% of husbands cheat, 34% of wife’s cheat. It’s a huge problem. Its a lack of stability with ourselves, cheaters are unable to feel stabile with themselves and therefor also in every relationship they are in. If you are cheating, lets say… if it happened to your sister, your son, your mother, your father, your brother, your daughter… if it happened to them, would you be okey with it? Because the interesting thing is that loop actually happens, karma happens. If you treat people like that, it easily comes back to bite you in the ass. Try to think if you would be okey if that happened to your daughter, or your son. Think about the consequences of your actions. You mess with people’s minds and hearts. Cheating has a long lasting impact on people’s life. You might not only destroy your relationship, but you might make it impossible for your partner to ever trust someone again. That’s the problem, we think in the instant moment, instant coffee, instant satisfaction, instant everything. The big problem is we act on what we want, not how we want to act.

You can’t cheat on someone if you’re in love with them, you just can’t do it, you wouldn’t even consider doing it. If you can cheat on someone you claim to be in love with, you’re not in love, you’re just in love with the thought of being in love.

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You feel the pain in your body, you feel the pain inside. You feel it absolutely everywhere. And so often in these situations, it’s shown that the first thing we think is, “it’s all my fault”. Even if we’re the ones who just been cheated on we’re wondering, maybe I wasn’t good enough? What could I have done differently? What is it that they saw in that other person? ALWAYS remember – when someone cheats on you it reflects so much more of who they are and actually not of who you are.

There are few feelings quiet as painful as heartbreak. The pain of loosing the one you desire, the shame of rejection, the self-doubt that sets in when you’ve been denied, they all teach you how emotional pain can feel far worse then physical pain. Cry like a baby if you need to, listen to sad songs when it happens, but you’re going to have to move forward. Here’s how you take positive revenge according to Steve Bartlett, forgive.

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Forgiveness isn’t about letting them off the hook, forgiveness lets you off the hook. Resentment, grudges and anger are all weights that a happy, peaceful person can’t carry. Any effort that’s focused on getting a reaction from them, is a sign that you’re still haven’t accepted it. Sharing posts that might send them an indirect message, trying to make them jealous, you’ve not accepted it. Forgiveness is acceptance, and there is no peace without acceptance. Forgiving someone is letting a prisoner go and in doing so realising that in fact, you were the prisoner the whole time. Look forward, one of the big reasons we never move on is because we refuse to give up on this idea that it might work out with this person eventually. Movies have taught us this soulmate fairy-tale, this dangerous idea that you might have a pre-determined soulmate. You don’t have a soulmate, no one does, you become soulmates. In the moment it’s almost impossible to believe that this person wasn’t meant to be the one because in the moment we’re all delusional. You’ll have many loves, the little ones that leave an indentation and the big ones that feel like they bury you alive. Accept the fact that this person was a part of your story, a lesson learnt and trust that the future will surprise you, just as it did before you met them.

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Take positive revenge. Not the type of revenge where you try and hurt them, try and make them regret their decision or behaviour or you do things to show them that you’re happy, positive revenge is doing things that make you happy. We take revenge because they’ve made us question or worth, they’ve shaken our self-esteem. So in many ways, getting over someone isn’t about getting over them, it’s about getting over how they’ve made you feel. It’s not about getting them to love you again, it’s about getting you to love you again. Really, it’s the process of rebuilding our own opinion of our self and trust me –  jealousy and retaliation isn’t how you do that. Self-improvement, self-care and self-development are the best forms of revenge.

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Heartbreak is emotional energy, and that energy, channelled correctly can change your life. The situations that we can’t change, have the greatest power to change us. If your heartbroken pour that energy into yourself. Getting healthy, working out, starting that business you’ve always talked about starting, pursuing your talents, learning something new, becoming more of the person you’ve always wanted to be. But most important deal with your inner problems, your inner fears. Face and accept all parts of yourself. No one is happy, beautiful, healthy and successful all the time so learn to accept all sides of your inner self so that no matter what – you are in harmony with yourself.

And just remember, the most attractive version of you, is the version that doesn’t need anyone at all.

The best love you can get is the love from yourself.

in

.love.liebe.kärlek.heidi.

 

Thank you to Steve Bartlett and Jay Shetty for your constant motivation.

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