.the eternal question.
I think we’ll never stop asking ourselves, we’ll never stop wondering. What is the meaning of life… why do we exist… what am I meant to do here… and what makes me happy?
It’s easier to just blame life, why is this always happening to me? Why am I always the victim? You’re not. We make our choice. Either you make the choice of being a victim, or you fight. You choose. No one else.
“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be it’s victim.”
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
John W. Gardner
As a victim, life happens to me. I have done nothing to deserve this, and still it all happens to me. Playing the “victim-game” is a dangerous game. Like John W. Gardner says it separates the victim from reality. And it’s an extremely hard game to quit. You have no control over your life and you do absolutely nothing to change your life. You sink deeper into self-pity.
The most common things that “feeds” the victim person is the attention you get from people around you as they are concerned about you and want to help you. Normally this doesn’t last that long since people will get tired of it. You also never have to take the risk of failure or rejection since you never take any actions to change. For the moment it can feel easier to not take any personal responsibility. What also might “feed” the victim person is other peoples mistakes. So to move on from a victim position you need to be aware of these things and also move away from them.
We have one life. But everyday you have the opportunity to change your life. To the better … or the worse. And it’s always your choice. No one can do that for you. Instead of thinking “all the shit happens to me. Everyone is treating me unfair/wrong. Life sucks…” and so on, you need to see your own part in everything. You need to realize that you are the boss of your life. Unfortunately many of us have to go through situations and traumas in life and many times it’s horrible things that seems to just happen to us for no reason. And in that moment it can be impossible to understand how life can continue. But I promise you that going into a victim mode too long will just hurt you. Like Richard Bach said “if we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be it’s victim”.
I went through a trauma three years ago where I felt like life just punished me for no reason. And I slipped into a victim mode during that trauma. Which I believe is quite normal during the circumstances I was in. But it also broke me down even more. And after a certain point I decided to change my way of looking at everything. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and for what happened to me. I somehow tried to accept that it happened, and I tried to take control over were I was at, and move on. Move forward. To get my life back. It took me more than 1,5 year. It wasn’t easy, and sometimes I gave up and almost slipped back into that victim mode again. But somehow the fighter in me was always stronger. In general this is something we all fight with more or less. Between being a victim of life and taking responsibility and making a change. It’s a life long fight. And it makes us stronger.
So what makes us truly happy? From my own experience it’s the small things in life. It’s not the biggest things, and it’s definitely not money.
To give and receive love to people around you. To inspire each other to become better human beings. To be able to enjoy mother nature in all her different forms. Being close to nature is for me one of the most important things. The small details, having a good cup of coffee in the morning, eating a nice dinner, getting a smile from someone you meet on the street, pat a dog or a cat, feeling the sun in your face, swimming in the ocean, watching the moon, looking deep into the eyes of someone you love… If we can enjoy all the small things in our life we start to realize that we have so much to be thankful for. And instead of letting life happen to me …
.I will be the boss of my life and I will make the decision to enjoy my day even though it’s raining.